Lesson learnt - don't ever google 'rash'

Here is a piece I wrote at the end of 2013 that I never posted. I stumbled upon it last night and thought I would put it up.

Earlier this year I got a rash on my abdomen — still from an underdetermined source — and did not want to go to the doctor again for something silly.

This year resulted in many visits to the doctor. Flu, bronchitis, tonsillitis were all reasons to be at the doctor. I also had some moles and lumps checked out, which were all nothing to be concerned about. So when I got a rash, I felt that another visit to the doctor would result in me no longer being able to deny that I was a total hypochondriac.

So I did the next best thing we all do in this age of the Internet and googled my condition. Big mistake! In the past when googling any topic you received suggestions of websites that match the information your search. It seems that this is no longer acceptable to many people — one can only assume they are semi-illiterate and only use the Internet for images and movies. Google now includes images that match your search close to the top of your search results. Interestingly images are selected more often than text-based search results. What is the world coming to?

Anyway, you can imagine the kinds of images that come up when you google something like 'rash'. Won’t make that awful mistake again unless I feel the need to take away my appetite for a few days! Hey, I can invent a new diet — the 'google rash diet' — you won't want to eat again, EVER!

So what about the rash? Determined to not go to the doctor, I scrounged around in my medicine cupboard to find some sort of cream. I eventually found something that was schedule four and had required a prescription at some point. That would do.

Not even being sure if the cream was for a bacterial infection, a cold sore or a mild bout of leprosy, I diligently smeared it on a multitude of red patches. I’m pleased to say the rash went away after about two weeks. I claim it was the miracle schedule four yellow ointment. However, there are those that would say two weeks would be long enough for any basic ailment to run its course. Who knows?